“As a chimney sweep in Germany, I have seen some crazy stuff. One guy definitely takes the cake though.
So I’m on my normal work routine in a district that is new to me and where I don’t know the clients yet. I have to go into every apartment in a standard apartment complex to check the gas heater.
I knock on one of the doors and as soon it opens I literally jump back. Standing opposite of me is the most zombie-looking freak I have ever seen. Completely grey, leathery skin, sunken, bloodshot eyes, dressed in a very old green parka, and just terrifying to look at, even as a horror movie fan.
Nonetheless, I got a job to do and so I proceed to enter the zombie lair. Here is where things gets really crazy. Pictures of the Queen cover every square inch of this dude’s apartment. Blows my mind to this day just thinking about it. Completely surreal. Literally everywhere are pictures and memorabilia of the British Queen, in a zombies apartment in the middle of Germany.
I make my way to the bathroom with the back against the wall while this creep is following me and just silently staring me down with his dang red eyes. I just want to get my job done as quickly as I can and get the heck out asap. All of a sudden, the guy starts to speak to me. Well, not really speak as much as mumble and ramble incoherent stuff. From what I can gather from his ramblings, this crazy mofo is absolutely convinced that he is the Queen’s illegitimate son.
That seals the deal for me, this guy is absolutely crazy and I have to get out. I rush my job super quickly while planning an escape route in my head in case things go sideways. The zombie is getting irate about me ignoring his ramblings and starts getting louder, not quite screaming at me but getting there. I say forget it, grab my things and push past him and bolt out of the door.
After my shift I told the story to my boss and he was like ‘Oops, lol, should have warned you about that one, sorry.’ Turns out he had tried to poison my boss twice, offering him bottles of reisling with a clear drill hole in the cork. My boss had the second bottle analyzed and it turns out there was rat poison in there. He also tried to stab another chimney sweep a few years before. Apparently, he is also barred from entering England because he allegedly tried to climb the fence to Buckingham Palace while shouting for his ‘Mom’ to come out and accept him as her son. Can’t confirm that story though, it’s just what I’ve been told.”