“My boyfriend and I broke up for a short period of time several years ago. During this time, I was working a miserable job as a bank teller.
One day, this girl I knew came into the bank with a couple of friends of hers and approached my station. Let’s call her ‘Brandi’ because I hate that name and also, that’s her name.
Before even a hello, she said, ‘Hey are you still with Chad?’
‘No, but we are taking some time apart and working things out,’ I replied.
Before I could really get those words out, she and her friends burst into laughter and walked off. I couldn’t help but notice she didn’t need anything at the bank at all, so I immediately felt weird about it.
The next few days, I spent figuring out what the heck was so funny. It turns out she was trying to get with my ex at the time and for some reason thought it was hilarious that we were ‘working it out.’ I was not having it.
A month or so later, my boyfriend and I were back together and things were good. I was out at a bar in my early-20s glory with my bestie and we spotted Brandi across the room.
Excellent, I thought, rubbing my hands together like Doctor Evil. Don’t judge me, I was wasted.
She approached us with a few friends and went in for the wasted ‘OMG HEY YOU GUYS!’ hugging thing that girls do even when they hate each other. I played along and she ended up buying a round of shots for the group of us standing there. I dug in my butt crack for a few minutes while we stood there. I then spit in her glass (my bestie covering me so Brandi couldn’t see) and then proceeded to run my butt crack finger around the rim. I turned around and sweetly passed it to her. She brought the glass up to her lips and took her shot. She ended up licking the edge of the glass after too, to my great pleasure.
My bestie and I laughed hysterically and then wandered off without a word to her. The confused look on her face mirrored mine when she asked about my boyfriend previously. It was awesome. And so petty.
Worth it. Don’t mess with my man or I will spit in your drink and wipe my butt crack on your glass.”