Lesson learned: don’t lie to your nurses! Content has been edited for clarity.
“I had a patient in my emergency room many years ago who was in a really low-speed motor vehicle accident. The police told me he just mounted the curb and stopped on a picket fence. He looked fine physically but claimed he couldn’t move his legs. He had normal reflexes but said he was insensate and couldn’t move anything below the waist.
He was pretty impressive. We all knew he was putting it on to avoid the cells, but he did need an MRI and that wouldn’t be available until the morning.
I caught him smirking as I was explaining this all to him, but my hands were tied. The cops were livid but stayed by his bedside as he was under arrest.
So I went off and saw another couple of patients, then came back when he was asleep and jabbed him right in the sole of his foot with a needle. Both legs shot up off the bed and he cried out!
So I said, ‘He can go to the cells,’ and walked out without turning around to look at the explosion.”