“We were six (almost seven) years into the relationship – a lot of stuff has happened between us. Disappointment, heartache, broken promises, the works. To keep it brief, I’ve never felt lonelier than I did then. I’ve come to realize that if I were to stay with this man, I would continue to live a very lonely existence. He’s entitled. He’d constantly keep me from the people I love and the things I like to do. He’d constantly demand for my time and attention (sulk when he doesn’t get it), but then cast me aside once my focus is on him.
He’d make his problems my problems, but my problems would just be my problems. If that’s not enough, he’d often talk down on my problems – minimizing them, brushing them off, ignoring them, and/or making it about him. For example, my mum asked if I would co-sign her home loan, and I didn’t want to. I told him about it and that I feel guilty for saying no. His immediate reaction was, ‘You can’t. What if we decide to buy a place together? I can’t take the loan out myself. It’s not fair.’
I have thought of ending the relationship many times.
My ex had keyhole gallbladder removal surgery. I’ve not slept properly for about four, five days by then (I took the hard, uncomfortable pleather hospital couch since he wanted me to stay); he’d been acting like a 3-year-old the entire time (including the few weeks leading up to surgery). I had to deal with his insurance, hospital bills, his doctors, nurses, parents, sister etc.
Everything, all by myself, while he acted like he had just narrowly escaped death. I mean, I didn’t expect him to help me in his condition, but he could have lessened the emotional burden?
So when my family and his best friend visited, I was so relieved to see them, I nearly cried. I thought, thank goodness! I get to interact with people, someone that is not him! They brought me food! They asked me if I’m okay! If I needed anything! Some respite – at last – among people I love, and am comfortable with. The others can keep him occupied while I eat!
But I guess it didn’t sit well with him that my attention was on everyone else, rather than him. He cried. I was terrified that something’s wrong. He started sobbing and twisting his body in bed, going on and on about the excruciating pain he was in. It was an alarming sight. We asked if he thought he needed the nurse or doctor – he insisted he didn’t. Being Asian, it was also awkward for many to see a 37-year-old man cry. Most of them decided that ‘he needs rest and privacy’ and that ‘it’s time to go.’ But after everyone left, as I was beginning to insist that we call the doctor, he said, ‘I wasn’t actually in pain. I was so touched by everyone’s kindness.’
When I heard that, all I felt was anger. I felt nothing for him, except resentment. And I thought, how pathetic is he? Why am I still with him? How pathetic am I?
We went on a break while he was still recuperating, and broke up less than a month later.”