“So… one night I’m working at a restaurant (as a valet) on Boylston street, and a black SUV pulls up with a rather big dude in it (he was probably 6’4′ 290 lbs). It was a busy night and we would usually put it in the garage, but we were worried the SUV would scrape the ceiling of the garage, so we left it out front.
An hour goes by and a couple of other cars pulled up, no big deal. Until one of my coworkers was putting a key in the key box and knocked the SUV’s keys off the hook. He picks it up and accidentally opens the trunk of the SUV. So naturally, I go to close it…
I tried to just push it closed but something was blocking it, so I open the trunk all the way to move the object in the way, and wouldn’t you know it…
A mannequin. It was dressed up in a black miniskirt with a skull and crossbones tank top. And it had makeup, lots of makeup, like the ‘HOLY COW NOBODY’S CHEEKS OR LIPS ARE THAT RED’ kind of makeup. I figure the guy’s wife works as a clothing designer. That’s when it hits me…
It’s that smell, that smelly smell, that smelly smell that smells… smelly. It was spunk, and it took my nose and violated it with its scent. I look closer and there are clearly stains all over the mannequin’s clothes, and lips. Right…
So after gazing at this violated inanimate object, I go to move it so I can close the trunk (what I was trying to do originally). That’s when I saw it…
The mannequin was leaning up against the back seat in the trunk, so its legs were facing me, no doubt where this man had been having his fun with it. It was slouched over and its foot was in the way of the trunk closing so I just pushed its foot to the side and it was unmistakable…
This sick freak had cut out the crotch of the mannequin and replaced it with a fleshlight. I know what a fleshlight looks like okay and that was a fleshlight. But then it got worse.
This guy, this demented weirdo guy, who was shacking up with a dressed-up mannequin, came out of the restaurant. I see him and he sees me, looking in the trunk. He runs over, says ‘That’s for an art project, hands me a $2 tip (cheapskate), and left rubber on the ground he left so fast.
I can only imagine the stuff that poor mannequin has seen.”
