“I divorced my first husband after 23 years (we lived separately for three before filing). During the separation from my first husband, I met and started dating my second husband. We dated for five years and were married/living together for one. I was feeling heartbroken from the breakup of my second marriage.
I found myself swept off my feet by a man fifteen years younger than me. We met when I was visiting another state for a family reunion. He was not from there either. We were staying at the same hotel, and kept running into each other at restaurants and other venues even in neighboring towns. He was a giant Texan, who stood at 6’8 and weighed in at 270 pounds of mostly muscle. I could put my hand against his and he could bend his fingers over the whole of my finger lengths. He was literally a giant. He asked me on a date. I initially declined, but we kept running into each other, and he was relentless in pursuing me. After his fifth invitation, I accepted. He really surprised me; he had gone out and bought a picnic basket, good bread, some olives, cheeses and fruit, and made us a charcuterie tray.
He worked as an inspector for the petroleum industry. He was staying there for a month. I extended my visit. We started spending every minute that he wasn’t at work together. He literally swept me off my feet. Before I knew it, two weeks had passed and he was asking me to be his wife. I know I was out of my mind, insane, but here was some of my reasoning: at the time I had lots of good friends from India. They have arranged marriages and their divorce rate is so incredibly low. I rationalized it would be like an arranged marriage, we would learn about each other after the marriage.
We got married in Illinois and I went back home to Oregon, to pack some small items. Two weeks later, I flew to San Antonio where my new mother-in-law picked me up at the airport. My husband worked on the road, but insisted he wanted me to live in Texas, where he owned a home in San Antonio and a hunting ranch in Freer, TX.
When my new mother-in-law picked me up she seemed really nervous and kept making phone calls in Spanish. I could make out that the lady wouldn’t leave the house. I didn’t know who she was talking to and didn’t want to tip my hand about understanding some Spanish. Suddenly my husband calls me and tells me plans have changed and I’ll be going to his parents home for the night. I explained that I wasn’t a child and I wanted to know what was going on. He said someone had been living in the house and they were told to move over six months ago, but they were not quite gone, but they would be gone by tomorrow. He said he was getting on a plane and would be there that evening.
When he got there, I got a full picture of reality. The truth was that my new husband was not legally MY husband, he was still very much legally married to ‘the lady’ who wasn’t yet out of the house. Actually, she had no inklings of any problems until three days before I flew to San Antonio. That’s when she was served with divorce papers and rental keys. Needless to say, she was having issues with the situation.
I was going to buy a ticket back to Oregon. My husband made up a huge story, about his wife cheating on him while he was on the road and he roped his mother into supporting his story and telling me that he had filed months before we were married, but there had been a mistake at the court that caused the suit to be thrown out, so I stayed. Months later, I discovered the truth. I decided I wanted to go home to Oregon and decide if I wanted to continue the marriage. I tried to speak to my husband about it. We had been married for six months. By then my husband had changed jobs so he could stay home in San Antonio with me. When I told him I was thinking of going back to Oregon, he took me by the hand, (gently), and calmly said, ‘if you ever try to leave me I will kill you, bury you on the ranch, and no one will ever find your body.’ Then he kissed me on me forehead and said, baby girl you are mine forever, you got that. THAT WAS MY ‘EFF THIS, I’M OUT OF HERE’ moment. I told him. I wasn’t serious about Portland, I was just testing him and kissed him.
A little while later, I got up and started cooking dinner. I told him I needed to run to the store to get a couple of things. I drove as fast as I could to our bank and withdrew $3000 then I drove to the airport to buy a ticket, all the while I was on the phone with my older brother who used to ride with the F-Troop biker group out of Granite City IL. He now lived in Ohio, and he said I could come stay with him and his wife. I knew I would be safe there. He was the only man I knew that my husband was afraid of. I bought a ticket leaving the next morning. I knew my husband and his father were leaving San Antonio the next morning to go work the ranch. When I woke up, my husband asked what my plans for the day were. I previously had planned to go to a photo exhibit at a gallery, so I told him that’s where I would be.
I drove him to his fathers and dropped him off, he gave me a big hug and kiss, he gave me some money and told me to go have some fun.
I immediately drove back home where I stuffed as many of my belongings as I could in two suitcases and a carry on. I called a cab to bring me to the airport. I locked the keys inside the house and left.
After I got into my seat on the plane, I waited until they were starting to close the cabin doors, then I called my husband. I reminded him about what he had told me he would do to me if I ever tried to leave. I asked if he remembered telling me that he would kill me and bury my body on the ranch, and he said yes, and he meant every word he said. I told him, I believe he meant what he said and I took that threat seriously. I told him ‘that’s why I’m on my way to my brothers house’.
He asked me where I was, I said I was on a plane and that I had to get off the phone because the doors were closing so the phones had to be turned off.
He drove to where I was. Luckily, his mother called to warn me he was on his way, so I drove to my mother’s home in another state. He realized after a while (a month) where I was and started calling me over and over threatening to kill me if I didn’t come back. Then he started threatening to kill my family, even leaving the threats on the answering machine. One time, after hours of his incessant calling, I called the police and they came to the house to take a report. He called while the officers were there and in the midst of listening to his previous threats. He started to leave another threat and one of the officers answered the phone. He didn’t care; he threatened to kill the officers too.
I moved to a very small town, changed my name, and hid. A couple of years later, I had gotten real with myself in therapy and I met a man who I wanted to have a REAL and honest relationship with, so I filed for divorce. I got a phone call from my husband two weeks before our divorce. My husband was so nice on the phone; he apologized for all the things that he had said and done and he pleaded with me to go with him to a spa in Arizona for a few days before our divorce to see if we could reconcile. I told him I was in love with another man and he started to get a little nasty. That’s when my current husband, who was my boyfriend at the time spoke up and told him there would be no more of that. He told him that part of his life was over and he was going to stop. And he did. Truthfully, I’m pretty sure my husband called him previously. Knowing him the way I do now. I’ll never know for sure.”
