“We matched on a dating app. She was an old co-worker, but we didn’t talk at all on Tinder. I was out at the bar with friends, she was out dancing, and she joined the group I was with. She was wasted, but not in an obnoxious way, yet no conversation was had. I went home by myself, thinking she seemed pretty fun. Next day, I sent her a message saying it was cool to see her out and asked if she has heard of a coffee place downtown. She said she was downtown already, so we could walk to it.
I buzz her into my apartment building. When I go to open it, she pushes her way in. While I was getting some things ready before leaving, I was just asking general questions, like the weather outside and about bars she goes too. I can’t remember the question, but her answer ended with ‘NASA controls the weather.’
I stopped what I was doing, because I didn’t pick up irony. She then proceeded to tell me that, ‘Both Obama and the Pope are cyborgs working for the New World Order. NASA weaponized the weather and can make it do hurricanes. American politicians constantly bring up arms control every decade so that all the ammo is bought from the shelves, as well as millions of new weapons to artificially drive demand for certain metals.’
And finally, that in the near future she was going pull her kid out of school, not tell her kid’s father, and head to a cabin that she knows of that she’s been bringing supplies too. She said because the new world order stuff was starting, and that I would ‘see,’ as there wasn’t enough time for her to update me on the details.
I simply say, ‘Whoa, that’s really scary information,’ and told her I wanted to stay back at my apartment and read up on it. Maybe we could hang out another time. She then asked if she could blow me for any Xanax I had.
Apparently, she’s in a much better place now– sober, and engaged to a guy that seems pretty nice. Also, I immediately deleted all my dating apps.”