“I’m the reason for the worst family gathering in my family’s history.
My mom got remarried to a fairly nice man about seven years ago. She insisted I go to every holiday at his relative’s house, even though I would rather spend the time alone. They are nice enough for bigoted idiots but that’s about it really. They seriously believe that Obama is a terrorist, that he’s never saluted the American flag for some reason, and that democrats are actively plotting to take over the country. That kind of people. Nutjob stuff. Really fun.
About two years in I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. I think up a plan to do my best to convince my mom that it’s not worth the effort forcing me. I’m going to get, god forbid, uninvited from this shindig because my time is too valuable.
Easter comes around and during dinner, they start the crazy political talk. This time, instead of quietly hanging back rolling my eyes, I joined in. I’m not arguing, I’m agreeing. I’m taking their own comments and then taking it one step further. Obama is not just a Muslim terrorist, he’s a secret plant that’s in the White House to bring us down from within. I’m the Ann Coulter of dinner parties. My mom becomes more and more alarmed and starts making gestures indicating that she may slit my throat soon. She turns an alarming shade of red, so I back off.
Thanksgiving comes, and I realize I need a more drastic plan. I decided that I will hit on my younger step-family member (he’s 21) in hopes of having a valid excuse why I can never come over again. This plan fails mightily when I open up a conversation as to what he is majoring in. He tells me he wants to be an architect, but he’s still in Math 101, which is basically pre-algebra. He follows it up with, ‘I don’t know why math is such a big deal, it’s not like I really need it.’
He didn’t know why he needed maths to be an architect.
I gave up completely at this point and spent the rest of the day texting on my phone.
I steeled myself for Christmas, only to be informed that I was uninvited because they felt I was terribly rude to be texting when everyone was watching football.”