"I used to work at pizza place in a small town when I was a teenager. One night, I took a phone order from some idiot woman. It went like this:

Me: Thank you for calling Dominos, may I take your order?

IW: Yes, I'd like a large pizza. Half pepperoni, half sausage, and half black olives.

Me: Ok, did you want the toppings combined or separated?

IW: No, I want half pepperoni, half sausage, and half black olives.

Me: Ok so you want 1/3 pepperoni, 1/3 sausage, and 1/3 black olives?

IW: No! I want HALF PEPPERONI, HALF SAUSAGE, and HALF BLACK OLIVES!

Me: I understand the toppings that you want, but I'm not understanding how you want us to put the toppings on your pizza. Do you want them separated by thirds? Combined together? Or do you mean put half the amount that we usually put on?

IW: What's so hard to understand?! I WANT...HALF...PEPPERONI...HALF...SAUSAGE...AND HALF...BLACK OLIVES!!!!!

Me: Lady, there's only two halves to a pizza!

IW: I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!!!

I got fired on the spot. It was easier for the manager to just hire another person than it was to lose a customer in a small town.

Oh, and the lady wanted the toppings divided into thirds. She told the manager the same thing and he just went with her math. The moron also got it for free."