“So I was with my ex-girlfriend, having ice cream before going to a comedy club in northern Kentucky when this petite girl with super short hair walks by with a couple of older women.
We both watched her go by, and I immediately said, ‘That girl kind of looked like Natalie Portman.’
She sits down at a table nearby and I look again.
I had an enormous fanboy crush on Natalie Portman since I found out, ages ago, she was going to be associated with a Star Wars movie. In fact, my ex and I had once come to an agreement I was not allowed to cheat on her unless it was with Natalie Portman because that would just be unfair. It’s also important to know this was a month or two after filming had wrapped up on V for Vendetta, for which Natalie Portman had shaved her head.
So I start to slightly freak out, calm down eventually, and go over to ask her if she is, indeed, my greatest celebrity crush, which of course she is. I give her the usual ‘big fan praises,’ then excuse myself so as not to disturb her when she seems to be trying to surreptitiously enjoy a night out with family.
Later, while we’re waiting to be let into the comedy club, who should appear right behind us in line but Natalie Portman. She had the same plan as us. In fact, we were assigned to sit at the table right next to hers, and several times during the night she accidentally leaned back against me.
It felt bizarre and surreal, because what the heck was Natalie Portman doing in northern Kentucky sitting next to me?!
Anyway, the awkward part was that the comedy club did a forced audience participation bit where they grab a random person and yank him onstage to play a part in a sketch, and they grabbed me. So just try to imagine performing in front of an actor/actress you’ve had a crush on for about a decade and you’ll have an idea of the kind of star-struck anxiety I had while I was there. The performers had the foresight to realize that an unwitting addition to the troupe would likely be awkward and confused, though, so I fit the part pretty well.”